Predictable

I like things to be predictable.
I like my life to be predictable.
Predictable means that I always hold the ace card.
I wish I can always live my life like this.

So far its been OK.
I have control over what I really want to achieve.
Control over how I want to behave.
Control Over what I want to concentrate on.

But then, there's still something missing in me.
I want what a lot of people have.
They call it "Love". With the big L.
Through Love they complete each other.

Here's the thing.
When I try to involve myself with this "big L" thing,
I can't hold the ace card anymore.
I'm not in control anymore.
Things become unpredictable.
Its not only what YOU want. Its what YOU TWO want.
I just can't do this.
I'm not sure if I'm ready for this.
It seems too complicated.

But somehow, there's something inside me that keep calling out.
I'm not sure. Maybe I'll be ready when I'm ready.
I just need to concentrate to whatever I am doing now.
I need to focus on my future.
But wait! What is my future anyway?

May be its OK to have a little unpredictableness.
May be its the beauty of "the big L" all about.

I don't know.
I'll just wait and see.